The Climb Down

In thinking of a small two word phrase to describe myself of late "horrendously despondent" comes to mind. Did you ever have a period where the things you pray will never happen all seem to be happening in short order? I used to never be at a loss for words, and I have dealt with most things that have come my way but there are finally happenings in my life that I can't even talk about anymore. It's kind of like having a nightmare night after night and you get to a point that you don't want to go to sleep anymore. I try to use the humor in this world to deal with the reality of the horrors. It doesn't work as well as it used to. I could describe in more detail what all is eating me up, but truly, what good would it do. I feel trapped by being human. I fight so hard to break the bonds only to realize that each day puts me to fighting harder and I feel myself tiring of the fight. I feel so alone in my way of looking at the world and it's "new decadent standards". The problem is that God tells us that all this will be happening as time winds down but the human that binds me still mourns at the loss of the feeling that "even though the world be evil...there is good to be found"....just seems that little spark of thought that at one time carried me through rough times isn't very true anymore...and to me that was a way for me to hope in the words of Christ that spurred me forward to grasp. It's always tough to let go of the good and even tougher when you feel the last of goodness leaving around you. I feel the anguish of Solomon and I fear often the same end. I know the way to go...I know the path to take...I know the help there is to walk it...I just don't know at what point that my soul is going to override my humanism to walk past the scenery. People will tell you what you need to be thinking in order to get through it all....but you still realize that being human brings with it emotional and physical pain that still must be dealt with in spite of knowing the truth. Gotta go for now but I still say...love to all...sorry that down seems to be in for now...Jeff