An earlier time

An earlier time
My autographed "Bobby Seale" copy

Friday, January 12, 2007

Pain is a Fact of Life Here

Those of you who either know me or read the ramblings of this blog know my physical state. I am constantly in pain but some days are worse than others. You can tell the degree many times by my postings. Oft times it's a safe bet that if I am not posting here daily then my absence is due to a great deal of pain. Yesterday was a day of great pain. I have been told before that all my ailments and pains have been of my own doing. That's a pretty ignorant way of putting it. I know of few people in this world that desire pain so much that they actually invite it. I think that person meant that I have all these things wrong with me either because of my failure to take care of myself properly or my chosen lifestyle produced it. The truth is that I certainly haven't taken proper care of myself over the years (most people don't or could've done a better job of it) and I am sure this has contributed a great deal to my present state. This doesn't account for all of it though. If you were familiar with the entirety of my condition you would have to give a lot of credit to heredity as well. I won't go into a list of all that is wrong with me as the list would be too long and there is part of my condition that no one need know of for now. My lifestyle certainly hasn't helped to make me healthier and I can freely discuss some of that lifestyle now that I have achieved an understanding of truth and maturity. In my younger days I did all the the things that I now live in fear of my children doing. I am grateful that my mother and father were never quite aware of the depth of my stupidity and that they didn't suffer the worst (many parents do) consequences of that stupidity. To begin with, I did my experimentation with drugs. I went beyond just experimenting with them. I did alot of them. There's hardly a narcotic or hallucinogen that I didn't do. I tried everything that came along. I am not proud of this at all though much of it served to educate me on many levels. I was sexually active at a young age and it led me to places I never should have gone and the same behavior these days has killed many people. I am not proud of that either. I drank alcohol, smoked cigarettes, and I associated with the wrong people many, many times. I confess to all this for several reasons. The main reason is in keeping with the theme of this posting. I know that my lifestyle too has contributed to my condition and pain. When you talk about the state of any human in this material world you also have to consider that ones choices, be they good or bad, might also be allowed to take place (and may even be planned) to bring about the purpose in that souls earthly state. I make no excuses for my condition...I ask for no pity...I place none of my responsibilities on anyone else...I ask no one for help, at most I only desire their understanding, to a degree. I have lived a full life and have been gifted with two of the greatest gifts that my creator has to offer. I would give up my life with no hesitation for these two gifts and I am doing all I can to assure that these gifts are returned to Christ in the best condition I can. I am not always right and the human aspect of my existence reeks havoc on my souls progression but I continue to work on it. I cannot and will not give up. In conclusion...it's not what you've brought upon yourself that really matters, it's whether you've used what you've brought upon yourself to progress or regress. Love to all-Jeff