An earlier time

An earlier time
My autographed "Bobby Seale" copy

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Breaking Down and Rebuilding

Just a short add-on today for anyone out there caring at all...Here's hoping that everyone had a happy Thanksgiving! We did and we now give thanks because God graciously provided us with the loan we needed to purchase another vehicle and to pay the major portion of our debts. We close on it Monday November 28th. We have so much to be thankful for in spite of the things that I personally consider hindrances to happiness. Obviously God considers the same to be training (or conditioning) tools. Trust me, he knows how and when to use them and they do work. I am much more patient and understanding in dealing with the situations that are beyond my control...believe me there are many! The boyz seem to be maturing a little more each day and they too seem more understanding of those same situations. I recall what a doctor once told me when I had come to see him about possible depression. The appointment had been at the request of my lawyer when my conditions had forced me to apply for my Social Security Disability. My lawyer had stated that my physical ill health must surely be accompanied with a good bit of depression. After my examination the doctor said that my outlook on my situation and the world was unique and depression didn't seem to be a major factor in my life. It goes back to my distaste for things in my life that appear to be out of my control. God had to allow many things to be sent my way to break down that stamina I had and reduce me to the point of admitting that I had reached my limits. You see, God wants you on your build someone you must break down all the garbage accumulated and rebuild with the basic structure. It's comparable to remodeling a house. It's also the same way the US Marine Corps has of building good marines. It works the same way with kids in a way. You have to make children understand that they always have more to learn but at the same time you have to build them up by making them feel proud of what they have learned. To put it in a more "mountain" way..."Ya gotta let them know that their knowledge is next to nothing but ya gotta make them feel like something special and make them want to know it all." You could compare it to flowers...if you don't plant them correctly, don't water and feed them properly, and just allow them to grow unsupervised then you end up with flowers with defects engulfed by weeds or dead flowers! So let's all work at building something decent...Love to all...Jeff

Saturday, November 19, 2005

And the Breaking Point Is?

Don't think for a minute that I have no idea of prison! After declaring my beloved van beyond hope I had it removed from life support and it passed into that new car dealership in the sky. This left me without a vehicle at all. My ex helped out by running errands for me and occasionally taking me where I had to go but for the most part I have been a prisoner at home. I rise early each day and begin the "School Day Marathon" (which, by the way, is no marathon after they are at school....the school day just isn't long enough then!) After they leave for school I have the pleasure of spending time on the planet "Garbage Dump" (at least that is the appearance of the world around me!) I certainly cannot tolerate living in a mess so no matter what kind of pain I am in...this planet must be eradicated or left behind. As previously stated though, I am now trapped so flight is no longer an option. So, with my constant companion Shadow Dog (a mentally disturbed planetary traveler that fate has placed in my cell here at the "rock") I begin the monumental task of debris removal. Simple, huh?...Well, you just haven't been paying attention have you? Nothing is ever simple for me. Nothing! I have been in the process of obtaining a loan to purchase an escape vehicle. Since my home was completely paid for I attempted to get enough money on it to complete the task. All appeared to go well until I discovered that the data tag that is glued to the inside of manufactured homes was missing on mine. The appraiser has to photograph the HUD label on the outside and the data tag on the inside or the loan won't go through. Okay, since mine was missing I had to contact the company to obtain a copy. Simple, huh?...That's right!...No way! The following problems came at by one! 1.) The plant that manufactured mine had since shut down!...(Couldn't have seen that one coming, eh?) 2.) The company that owned the plant had sold out to another company...(Wow! The powers that be had to work to set me up for this torture!) 3.) Numerous phone calls resulted in a chance to meet (and despise!) people in at least 5 states...each person giving me a number to another place where the plant records may have been sent. 4.) My lender, in the meantime, is continually asking me if I have checked the closets to see if it is posted there...(Guess there's many people not bright enough to look in 3 closets at least 5 times and be trusted when they say, "It's not there!!!")
The powers that force this kind of situation on me on a regular basis obviously haven't taken note of my tenacity in dealing with trauma and don't understand that I believe in the tactic of attacking until something quits moving...(and so far I haven't!) soooo....After spending my time on the phone and kicking through "earthchild debris" I finally found a human that told me, "Oh Plant 59...those records are in storage up the hill and this afternoon I will go there, pull the records, and email you a copy!"....I WANT THIS WOMAN!...SHE WAS THE ANTIDOTE TO MY POISON!...THE LIGHT IN MY BASEMENT!...I DECLARE HER MY QUEEN!...Upon receiving the document via email I proceeded to save it in 3 places on my computer, burn it to disc, and make enough copies to distribute to my next 300 descendants!
Now you may be saying to yourself..."Okay, now he's fine!"...Simple, huh?...You know. After many beautiful days of lower humidity the weather turned nasty...high humidity...colder temperatures, some rain and a great deal of pain! This all comprises only a small part of my tortured daily life of late but all is well. Once I figure out a way to escape...I will attack those powers that seem amused to abuse me and I will begin the quest for their breaking point. Hope they have been taking notes...I have!...Love to all and always remember...children are a lot like gasoline...when ignited, someone gets hurt...the cost is outrageous and the more you have the higher the risk of explosion! ...Jeff

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Faith Is Difficult

Growing up in the church I was always told that many things in religion had to be "taken on faith". I also discovered that "taking things on faith" applied to other areas of life. I learned that many things told to me by parents, teachers, friends, and business required certain degrees of faith to facilitate virtue.
Raising children in todays climate has all of the generations prior saying "I just don't understand why kids today are like that" or "Things sure aren't like they used to be" and pointing to all sorts of reasons to explain the lack of moral fiber in children today. In my opinion the lack of moral fiber can be explained as lack of faith. Why is there a lack of faith? It's no wonder. Children put their faith in parents and so many parents destroy that with their own selfish concerns. They are asked to put their faith in teachers, who in previous generations seemed to work to build a child into an adult earning a child's trust and admiration, yet many of todays teachers treat them merely as statistical data to fund their livelihood. They are expected to put faith into scientific information that is constantly being changed or reversed. They try to put their faith in friends and are devastated when those friends put more emphasis on material things than trust and loyalty. They try to "take on faith" a government that they have been told is supposed to be aware of and responsive to the needs of its people only to see that government allow needless suffering instead.
Sometimes I just didn't understand why my children had no faith in what I was telling them considering the fact that I don't lie to them. After trying to look at the big picture from their perspective I understand their difficulty....and mine. Faith is difficult...especially when you can't see it work. The lack of faith in the world makes faith in their creator much more difficult to build! We're working on it and my faith must remain strong to get it right...yes, faith is difficult...but not impossible...Love to all, Jeff

Sunday, November 06, 2005

What it Takes!

Sometimes I have to marvel at the wisdom of our creator for the ways he has of getting our attention. I used to think that the deterioration of my body and its functions was designed to effectuate my submission to his plan for my existence. Obviously it wasn't enough!
On the way to visit my father, who is in a nursing home in Bryson City, my van broke down on the interstate. What a wonderful thing to happen with two ADHD children and a Shih Tzu with a separation anxiety complex in tow. Well, at least the dog seemed ok! As I sat smoking a cigarette and waited for Triple A to come tow us home, I actually managed a smile at our situation. I thought it an opportune time to show the boyz how one should take advantage of an unfortunate incident and use it as a positive. " Boyz! Isn't this something else? You know, if this had happened a year or two ago your dad would have been cursing this van and probably hurt himself kicking it. I've learned though that God wants us to use times like these in a different way. Right now we'll just enjoy watching the traffic go by and take in the scenery while we wait. Let's just call this another adventure!" My oldest son Zak looked up and said, "But this adventure stinks Dad!" I had to laugh at his reaction. "Yes son it does!" I agreed. To make a long story even I find myself without transportation and it seems to be taking some time to get something done about it. Yet this has given me more down time to examine myself and turn this into a positive. I walk a short distance each day to the bus stop, dog in tow, and have a few minutes of observing nature before the lions return and the struggle begins anew. God knows what he's doing and I am sure he's saying,"About time you admitted that about that 'callin' out the angel of death for a fight' thing you do when you get upset."

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Holidays! Step Into The Millennium!

Holidays! 'em or hate 'em...they still happen! Personally I think everyone should design their own holidays. It's time we made business more responsive to us! Let's start by removing all present holidays. Each individual should be allowed one day each month as his/her own holiday (total of 12 a year as individuals). If you desire to have a number of people celebrating the same day that's ok...everyone participating would have to use one of their monthly days the same time as you thereby ensuring that there'd be no "Bah humbugs!" Holidays would then all be festive occasions for all involved and if you didn't want to celebrate someone else's holiday, a polite, "I don't want to use up my day this month for that but thanks for the invite!" would suffice. Businesses would have to continually keep in stock all different types of major celebration items if they wanted to remain competitive. The greatest drawing card for me would be that my kids would have to design their own holidays. My kids,I'm sure, would try to keep most hated holiday (besides Valentines Day)! For me Halloween is too much a reality holiday. How?...Kids threaten to do something you don't want them to do (tricks) to receive what they want (candy) while putting on their ugliest faces (masks) and they bring it to public attention (door to door) and you have to pay out money to be abused in such a manner! Here, in my world, that occurs on a daily basis! My first monthly holiday would be "Daddy Ain't Right Day"...all day my responses and reactions would be just off the top of my head and any request for money would bring out the Daddy dollars (computer made with my picture on the front!) Requests for ways to relieve boredom would result in helping Daddy to design his own headstone with that famous quotation "I hate meeces to pieces!" at the top. Any attacks made from brother to brother would result in a firing squad atmosphere where disgustingly sloppy food items would be flung at the perpetrator of the attack by the victim as Generalisimo Daddy coordinates. Any bad manners at the table would result in removal of utensils...plate in the floor and the bad mannered one would be required to eat like the animal he has become. Wow! wouldn't it be nice?....Ok!...I now have a new quest!....Throw off tradition America!...It's time for Designer Holidays!...hmmm! wonder what I could cook up for "Nasty Smellin' Food Dishes Day" to all....Jeff