School- Cycle of Love and Hate

You never seem to appreciate school until you have kids. All through your school days you look forward to the day you graduate. Entering the job market or college excites you because you've become so independent and you feel so cool. Shortly thereafter you are introduced to reality...THIS ALL TAKES WORK!!! All of a sudden you kinda miss high school and having so few responsibilities. Alas! One cannot turn bac time so you resign yourself to the fact that you'll be working towards something...forever! You become accustomed to it...You even find a field or job you enjoy. Then for some unexplained reason you find yourself feeling that your life would be complete if you had children! The cycle begins again....you are excited, you feel it's so cool to see something living that you helped create. Sometime later reality sets in again....IT TAKES WORK!!! All of a sudden again you kinda miss high school and having so few responsibilities. Once again, realizing that you cannot turn back time, you resign yourself to the fact that you'll be working towards something...forever! This time around though....when your children reach school age, you become schools biggest fan. You are grateful for time to be with your kids but you are equally grateful for some time away from them and with school in session you have a small part of that time. School then becomes one of those love/hate relationship things....you love it when it's open....you hate it when it's closed! Now we have arrived at my present state of mind....Today is a holiday!...School is not in session and I hate it!...but you wouldn't believe how good I really am at Monopoly! Move your piece....pay me rent!....mortage that railroad!....now are ya glad school is out?....lol...love to all...(these guys are great! They actually team up to try and defeat me! That's a good thing!)...Jeff

Pain is a Fact of Life Here

Those of you who either know me or read the ramblings of this blog know my physical state. I am constantly in pain but some days are worse than others. You can tell the degree many times by my postings. Oft times it's a safe bet that if I am not posting here daily then my absence is due to a great deal of pain. Yesterday was a day of great pain. I have been told before that all my ailments and pains have been of my own doing. That's a pretty ignorant way of putting it. I know of few people in this world that desire pain so much that they actually invite it. I think that person meant that I have all these things wrong with me either because of my failure to take care of myself properly or my chosen lifestyle produced it. The truth is that I certainly haven't taken proper care of myself over the years (most people don't or could've done a better job of it) and I am sure this has contributed a great deal to my present state. This doesn't account for all of it though. If you were familiar with the entirety of my condition you would have to give a lot of credit to heredity as well. I won't go into a list of all that is wrong with me as the list would be too long and there is part of my condition that no one need know of for now. My lifestyle certainly hasn't helped to make me healthier and I can freely discuss some of that lifestyle now that I have achieved an understanding of truth and maturity. In my younger days I did all the the things that I now live in fear of my children doing. I am grateful that my mother and father were never quite aware of the depth of my stupidity and that they didn't suffer the worst (many parents do) consequences of that stupidity. To begin with, I did my experimentation with drugs. I went beyond just experimenting with them. I did alot of them. There's hardly a narcotic or hallucinogen that I didn't do. I tried everything that came along. I am not proud of this at all though much of it served to educate me on many levels. I was sexually active at a young age and it led me to places I never should have gone and the same behavior these days has killed many people. I am not proud of that either. I drank alcohol, smoked cigarettes, and I associated with the wrong people many, many times. I confess to all this for several reasons. The main reason is in keeping with the theme of this posting. I know that my lifestyle too has contributed to my condition and pain. When you talk about the state of any human in this material world you also have to consider that ones choices, be they good or bad, might also be allowed to take place (and may even be planned) to bring about the purpose in that souls earthly state. I make no excuses for my condition...I ask for no pity...I place none of my responsibilities on anyone else...I ask no one for help, at most I only desire their understanding, to a degree. I have lived a full life and have been gifted with two of the greatest gifts that my creator has to offer. I would give up my life with no hesitation for these two gifts and I am doing all I can to assure that these gifts are returned to Christ in the best condition I can. I am not always right and the human aspect of my existence reeks havoc on my souls progression but I continue to work on it. I cannot and will not give up. In conclusion...it's not what you've brought upon yourself that really matters, it's whether you've used what you've brought upon yourself to progress or regress. Love to all-Jeff

Love the Snow...Hate the Snow Days!

I hate it when it snows! I take that back....I don't hate it...well, I guess it depends on the day of the week. Snow on weekdays I hate and snow on weekends I love. There's a different feeling you get and I'm not sure but I think it stems from days of youth when snow meant no school and gave you the opportunity for different activities to do outdoors (all of them messy!). When you grow up and have children you find that still holds true. School is out and there are still those messy activities. The only difference now is that you dread to see that snow fall, no matter how intoxicating! My boyz are having a blast and I continue to have minor stroke symptoms. They have waited in anticipation for a snow day off since Halloween (a day that is their sign of winter approaching). My morning-afternoon job shifts from maid/cook/organizer/chauffeur to maid/cook/organizer/chauffeur/referee/recreation director/judge/doctor/whipping boy....anyway you get the picture! Ok you are thinking "So how does he have time to write here?". Well, it's taken me years to develop a structure for these kinds of days that will allow me to do that. It ain't easy! Sometimes nature gives me a break! Today's snow is almost gone (it's 1 pm) and I can run them outdoors for sure. I used to have a problem getting them outside and off playstation. That was before I came up with the idea of flipping the main breaker off for a few minutes and curse the power company for allowing it to happen. As soon as they go through the door I flip it back on. That works really well unless they forget something and come back in to get it. Ah yes! Survival depends on using the creative resource of the brain. Things like that have been more difficult to do since they uncovered my Christmas day early clean-up plan. Since they always had Christmas at 2 places (my home and my ex's) I would tell them that Santa was coming a day early so he could come on the regular Christmas Eve at my ex's). This way they opened their presents here...I got everything picked up...and Christmas Day I could kick back and enjoy some peace and quiet. They grew up and discovered that I was Santa so that blew my early Christmas routine. Guess they'll grow up more soon and start checking the breaker box to see what's happening there. Oh well! Creativity seems to be an on going process. Hope our snow WEEKdays are few and far between!....love to all....Jeff

Range of What I Think Is Beauty!

Isn't the internet a wonderful place? There you can find most anything you desire to occupy your time. Since becoming disabled a few years back, the internet allows me to travel cheaply. I can go anywhere in the world practically. I can view images, web cams, chat with people in distant lands, and catch the news in all places. One of the biggest problems in finding a person with which to enjoy a serious relationship with has been the wide range of my likes and dislikes. Did I just hear you say "Hey, that should make it easier to have something in common with someone!"?...One would think so, however, having such a wide range of enjoyment means that I am less settled with someone who has a more narrow range (and so very many do!). Musically, I may one minute enjoy heavy metal rock and roll, the next minute I am thrilled by a classical music piece featuring a cello. Artistically, I may consider a work of graffiti in the same awe as I would a work by Monet (my favorite artist!). My favorite comedy may be anything the Monty Python guys do, yet I laugh just as loudly at a corny line in an old Hee Haw. My children think of me as cool just as often as they think of me as ancient because of the range. The pictures here will show you 2 places I consider absolutely beautiful! ...In conclusion, I have no idea why you should even care about any of this but the whole idea of me blogging these things I think of is in the hope that someone, somewhere, may can assist me with the mental illness I am developing....and give me peace...or a doughnut!....Now that's where I am off to....Love to all...Jeff

Meetings at School

Having children with ADHD presents many problems most of which involve school. Both of my children have a tendency to scare me to death each time progress reports come out but they always seem to pull up their grades by report card time. I can't always depend on that happening though and sooner or later the worst is bound to happen (that too goes hand in hand with ADHD). Organizational skills come very slowly. My oldest is constantly misplacing his PE uniform consequently I end up buying a couple just to get him through the year and now label them all with the name "Crisp" and not add his first initial just in case my younger son has the same problem. I call it a generic PE uniform. Their papers (if they remember to bring them) are often in a wad and appear to have been the target of some kind of military action and I know not what the stains are from! They have agendas to write down homework assignments in too but either fail to write some of them down or just forget the entire agenda at school. Many are the days that I remain in the parking lot waiting as they return into the school to retrieve items while all the other kids are picked up. I am told that this all is a familiar part of raising ADHD children shared by many other parents. Though the thought of that makes me feel as though I am not alone it doesn't aid me in figuring out how to counter and correct such things. I have come to the conclusion that all I can do is continue to try new ways of helping them and bide my time until they reach an age when they will be able to make their own way and thereby total experience will be their best teacher. Only then will I be able look up at the sky from my dumpster beside the pharmacy and manage an alcoholic drug induced smile as I belch a hearty "Good morning!" to the world at 4:00 in the afternoon. Children will do this to a parent like myself....I need no convincing of that.