An earlier time

An earlier time
My autographed "Bobby Seale" copy

Thursday, August 11, 2005

The 60 Second Rule's been another of those nights but the day has kind of made up for it. Yesterday I took the boyz (along with my ex, Andrea) to Davidson River to do some rafting. She was off and had agreed to go so she could float down with them. I was grateful for this as I just am unable to do that anymore and the boyz needed that experience. They loved it! I set them out with the raft a mile or so upstream and I (and my dog Jasper) waited for them downstream at Sycamore Flats. Of course it began to rain shortly after setting out but as the kidz put it "We are gonna be wet anyway Daddy!" True...but I'll be hurtin'...and I did.
We have begun a rule here at home and it seems to be working rather well. I call it the 60 Second rule. I told the boyz that we need to reflect on happenings as if we had 60 seconds to live...then we stop and ask ourselves "Is this the way I want to leave this situation?" So far it has caused them to stop and think about what is going on right now. Lennon has taken it very seriously...Zak too, only not as much. Yesterday Lennon had tried to hurt Zak and I shouted,"60 second rule! that the way you want your brother to remember if you died or could you live with that being the last thing you remember doing to your brother?" He stopped and said "No...I am really sorry Zak." Zak then forgave him and things settled down. The key in dealing with ADHD kids (when I can keep my wits about me!) is to make things immediate. Their attention window even with medication (medication helps them to focus but doesn't remove the symptoms) is very short and you have to act rather quickly or the focus turns somewhere else. We all try to work on ourselves inside here. Over the years I have been increasingly dissatisfied with myself and my pain has made me much more vocal about the injustices I see. Sure, I have always been a pretty vocal person when dealing with perceived evil entities but not often when dealing with family members and loved ones. The main exception to this from years back has been my father. We have butted heads as long as I can remember. Many times that is the norm for the first born son and his father but our relationship was strained way beyond that because of his alcoholism. He was a very different person when he drank and you could tell what and how much he had been drinking by his actions. The pain he felt inside came out with a vengeance most times. Sober he was a fine man, but as the drinking continued it began to alter even the sober side of him. He always had a quick temper that became even quicker when dealing with me, the vocal one. I know he loves me and I love him but there were many times you wouldn't have thought that to listen to us. I only wish I had thought about the 60 Second Rule years ago, perhaps it could have saved at least one of us from feeling so bad about the things we said to each other. As they say "hindsight is 20-20" so no sense rehashing what should have been. It should be used as a learning experience to hopefully prevent that happening with my children. Of course I do not have a drinking problem to compound my relationships and my thinking but we all have our demons and my mouth continues to be my worst one. This 60 Second Rule is a good thang and 'round these parts they just ain't enuff good thangs. But weez lookin' for em. Well it's 6 am and I've been up since 3:30...but I do my best thinking around then....Jeff

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