An earlier time

An earlier time
My autographed "Bobby Seale" copy

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Up to Me

Saturday morning and so much has run through my mind since my last post here. As a result I feel much better about my spot in the universe. I took a step that I needed to take and I have much more inner peace and a determination not to let my earthbound human portion interfere any more.
As we grow up we are inspired by many different things. One of the greatest inspirations in my life has been my family. My mother I credit with instilling in me the regulating voice of right. It's this voice in my head that tells me what is the right thing to do or the right way to feel in any situation. Many times this voice has been nagging or screaming when I stubbornly refused to follow its instructions but so many more times it has been calming in its support and reassurance when I do what is right. My mother was also instrumental in being an example of faith and love in the way she lived her life and as I grew up I became aware of where she received that same installed voice. It had been handed down as goodness and truth should be from my grandparents. I had wonderful grandparents! My grandfather was a proud, protective, and honest example of not just what a father should be but what a man should be as well. My grandmother was a very devoted wife and mother and the perfect example of a life led in the right direction. I love them both very much and thank them both for what they have given me, the best of that being my mother. Now, with both of my grandparents gone, and my mother too, the example carries on in my aunt and uncle. They too have had their influence on me over the years and since my mothers passing each time I talk to my Aunt Cecile it's so very much like talking to my mother and I also can hear my grandmother too. There have been times when I have really needed that. Many is the time that I have felt the presence of my grandfather through my Uncle Tom. My grandparents can surely look at the children they raised and be proud of the job they did and I am certain that they produced a smile upon the face of God that will never be erased. They were a shining example of following God's word. This is the way it should be and only now has it become crystal clear that my job is to pass the same thing on to my children. Don't get me wrong, I have spent a lot of time trying to teach my children right and wrong. I have attempted to pass on what they have all given me but one thing has, until now, stood very much in the way of my feeling that I am doing it right. That stumbling block has been self. I have always been the type of person that likes to feel in control of the situations I find myself in. I have many times justified my actions with reason tailor made to falsely convince myself that I was right while all the while that instilled voice given to me by my family was screaming in the background. I felt that I HAD to make my self right! God has invested alot of time in showing me that I am certainly not the one in control and he has designed my life to teach me the limitations of my human control. As I have stated in a previous post I have found myself going to God's rehab clinic many times. In this world of ours we see daily how people struggling for the proper control of self go to rehab clinics over and over again either failing from lack of desire to place something ahead of that controlling misbehavior or success by finally coming to terms with their limitations. I feel that I have finally come to terms with my limitations and feel as though I have laid down a blueprint for success to keep me following the proper path.
Each person has to be ready and open to any positive changes in their lives. Trying to make those changes without proper understanding are only spinning their wheels. As Bob Dylan sang "I guess it must be up to me" and it is. In a final note I'd like to add another line from that same song, "I was just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity" but that's a subject for another post. Love, Jeff